I am absolutely exhausted today! Didn't sleep last night. The weather report has again frozen me with some fear. We have had rain for the last several days. When it wasn't raining, we have had stifling humidity. I haven't been able to accomplish anything outside because it has been too wet or because the air is so thick that you have to cut it into bite size chunks before trying to inhale.
There is thirty to fifty percent chance rain on Thursday and Friday. Lately even a ten percent chance of rain has actually been a one hundred percent chance. So, we have today. Unfortunately even getting the trenches pumped back out today does not allow time for drying up. There are tasks that I need a second set of hands with.... but there won't be a second set of hands. Whatever I start today, I need to finish today, because I will lose it in the rain tomorrow if I don't.
I have today... I have me.... I have a fair amount of rage building.
On top of the weather issues, the need to make money becomes more urgent on a daily basis. I need to find ways to make money with the farm. Working on the little farm comes as naturally to me as breathing. Sharing the farm is joy. And when I try to work on business I feel like I have been pummeled until bloody. It isn't a matter of doing. It's a matter of roadblocks. It's almost like a mystical, unseen force stops my efforts and leaves only one way for me to move. If I try to fight it, it surely knocks me right back on my ass. The only way forward is through the farm. I have to believe that somehow the farm will save me. It is the only road that is open to me. The only way I know to travel. I don't know what the next step should be for me.
I have today ... I have me .... and I'm alone.