Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Batten down

I will spend today getting ready for the rain that's coming. I need to bring in some boards so they stay dry. Finish up digging some holes and cover them. Bag up some garbage that I noticed blowing around. Then it will be time to sit still and watch. The beginnings are already here. The clouds are accumulating. Not long and stretched out, but piled high like revival time, church ladies hair. The wind is picking up. For now, it's refreshing.

Every time there is a storm rolling through, I update my wish list for my horses. I want a particular kind of run in shelter. I want a small barn. Then I watch them put their butts to the wind and hunker down their heads and wait for the storm to pass. As soon as the rain is over, they roll in the mud and I mentally add a wash rack into my imaginary barn. It will happen.... someday.

I remember one weekend, three years ago when we were digging the mud back out after a rain. Mac couldn't take the mess anymore, and he was yelling at me, "When are you going to realize that you can't do everything that you think you can? Other people don't do this! Other people hire contractors!"

There was nothing to say at the moment, but several days later, I told him that no one was going to come galloping up to give him what he thought he deserved. If we didn't TAKE our dreams, we would never have them. I was alright with failing, but I wasn't alright with not trying.

After that, Mac was exiled. He wasn't allowed back on the property until the walls were up. His next visit was after the roof was on. It was a matter of reality in increments for him. For me, this is my alternate reality. This IS the place where I can cope. This IS the place where I can make anything happen. This IS the place where I don't have to rely on some con man contractor. This is the place where I can do anything that I think of. But sometimes I have to batten down the hatches and wait for a storm to pass.


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