No matter the situation, it is difficult for me to slow my mind down. I often lose myself in thought and can work on two projects in my mind while I work on one with my hands. This last summer one of the things I wanted to do was to force myself to work on one thing... only one thing, to completion. Then work on another task. I had limited success with that. Sometimes I can only work on something for so long and I run out of materials or good weather, or run up against some other obstacle that brings me to a halt. I can stick to my plan and continue to try to hammer away at whatever is giving me trouble or turn my mind to something else. I never know which is the right course of action and I always feel that I ended up doing the wrong thing.
It's in my nature to think too much... whether it is worms, manure, seeds or barns, or even, what to make for supper. I believe the little farm has made it worse. There are now so many directions to think. I think about sheep, about bees and mushrooms. Trees. Chickens and shelters for them. Shelters for everything, from horses to hay. And there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about money. I think about making it, spending it and hopefully, someday being at the place where I don't need it so much.
I've been trying to absorb information on how things used to be done. Pre-mechanized methods... common sense approaches. With that in mind, I have been collecting facsimile editions of turn of the century (last century, that is) farming books. My daughter found another one for me. She gave it to me this weekend and it has put my mind into overdrive. Finally I have answers. The book is "Barns and Outbuildings and How to Build Them" edited by Byron Halsted. Every other barn book that I have is this complex morass of foundations, metal sheathing, wiring and plumbing. I can't afford those buildings and considering that I don't have any giant tractors or combines that need to be housed, those buildings are of little use to me. My neighbor keeps telling me the virtues of building an inexpensive sheet metal building. He tells me that it will only cost a thousand dollars or so. It is a thousand dollars wasted in my opinion. The sound inside of those buildings during storms is so extreme that animals are spooked out of them. Add some lights and the condensation can be so bad, that hay stored in them can rot and mold away. They are colder then the outside temperature in the winter, and hotter then the outside temperature in the summer. They end up being little more then very expensive wind breaks. I do not have a thousand to spend anyway..... though the idea does make me giddy!
I have already plowed through much of this book and my brains are aching a bit. But it's a good ache. I feel empowered. I'm not so frantic about how can I do this, where will I get the money, how can I pay someone to help me.... Now I have found some answers and my big question is... when can I start? The plan is reinvigorated. My tired brains are getting pretty excited about this. It's no longer a matter of "can this work?"... this WILL work. The little farm has just taken a huge leap forward.