Alone

Being alone can be a tricky thing. It can also be relaxing, calming, rejuvenating.... until you have something heavy to lift. I am alone a great deal, especially during the school year. It allows me to work on things with out interference. It allows me to do things my own way. It allows me to work on projects keeping the big picture in mind. So far, whenever anyone has helped me, they have interjected an opinion. They have made what should have been a permanent solution a temporary fix. Other people tend to become speed bumps to me.

And then I need help.

I want someone to show up with a tractor and a post hole auger attached. I want post holes dug and posts set. I want it done with out having to hear somebody's "better idea". I have yet to run into one of those better ideas that has been anything but an avoidance of work. Personally, I am a different variety of lazy. I'd rather work harder right now and then not have to do this job again for ten years. I am needing new fence. This will be the third that I have needed in as many years. Why?.... because when I do get help, all I get is a good enough for right now attitude. Totally pisses me off.

It makes me want to be alone.

I need help straightening the last upright post for the outdoor kitchen. I can't manage it on my own. The hole is a bit out of alignment. The other posts have been set and squared for a year now. I think it's time to come up with another plan. One I can do on my own. Something that can be accomplished...... alone.

The one thing that I can't accomplish on my own is working with my horses. Not that I need someone here with me, but there is just so much work to do , that I just can't seem to over come the guilt of doing something that brings me pure joy. I need someone to motivate, to nag, to monitor my progress and rejoice in my successes. That's when being alone is hard.

I don't know... I guess with fence posts and horses there has to be a different kind of balance. I'll have to keep working on that for now.

Louie