Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Me, Myself and I

The dynamics of our family changed somewhat when Mac was diagnosed with leukemia. His original diagnosis was over five years ago. Recurrence, a bit over two years ago, then the stem cell transplant, two years ago. Venal occlusion of the liver was a year and a half ago. Graft vs Host is still current.

We all take care of Mac. The girls do an excellent job of going out of their way to do the things that make him happy. Doctors have taken care of him. Nurses have taken care of him. Anyone who has ever heard that he has had leukemia tries to be positive and nurturing.

I'm thinking that there are so many people taking care of him that maybe it wouldn't be noticed if I took some time and took care of myself a bit. I'm needing something more then a nap and a hot bath. No one else can. It's up to me

I know a lot of people just don't get it, but nothing brings my strength back to me better then my horses. Precious little makes me as happy. They transport me out of my troubles. So... I am putting myself and my horses in the top spot for a little bit. Just the thought of that makes me inwardly cringe.... makes me feel guilty. But I feel myself slipping away. Yet the chance of my own redemption , as it were, is trotting across the ground, back there, now.

Nobody takes care of the caregiver. So, I need to give it a try.


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