I woke up the other morning with some strange bruising on the tops of my feet. Each bruise was a small circle... a perfect circle. How odd. On the left foot was a pattern that resembled a collection of crop circles. On the right foot the bruises formed the points of a perfect equilateral triangle... like War of the Worlds!
I slept soundly and have no recollection of hovering in the air, bright lights, little gray men with large eyes or of the inevitable rectal probe. But this idea gave me pause...... hmmm, with such advanced technology it would be a small thing for them to fire up the ol' laser and zap a bunch of fence post holes in no time flat!
We could make a deal. For ten fence post holes they can have a urine sample. Another ten and they can have a blood sample. For twenty fence post holes they can do a rectal probe. That one is going as cheaply though. What the hell, I'm at the age they tell me I need to get a colonoscopy anyway. If they just finish off the job I'll just go ahead and get my med records for them and throw in a copy of Bach... the one that's floating off through space on Voyager.
If they're nice about the whole thing then I'll invite them back to see the round pens and the horse play grounds and we'll have some cake.... sour cream chocolate cake.
You know... I think this plan could work out!