Well, here it is ..... Monday... again. I am trying to scrape together a happy thought, or some notion about humanity. Even when trying to force a viewpoint of some jolly event (christmas) all I can see is the down side. At least for today that is all I can see. Obviously, Monday is for rancor.
There is great hope for Tuesday! Wednesday is yet another Dr. visit in Iowa City so that will be fear and loathing and nausea. Thursday will be the recovering from the emotional wringer of Wednesday. Friday, Mac likes for me to take him to work and pick him up in case we want to do something together. This cuts my day short. We can never think of anything "fun" to do anyway, which sets us up for a weekend where I want to get a bizillion things done cause I have that second set of hands that is suppose to be so helpful. For Mac, the weekend is about relaxing. He sits with the computer on, plays dvd's of the cartoons for grown ups, like Hellboy and Ultimate Avengers, and does crossword puzzles.... and I go nuts. By the time the weekend is over, I feel like I should be sitting in a corner humming and rocking myself in some sort of catatonic state.
Which brings us right back to .... Monday is for rancor.
It isn't good to sit still for too long. That's when all the fears come rushing at you. The adrenaline takes over. I want to fight and when I'm being forced to "relax" I feel like I have been bound with ropes and trussed up against a wall. Sitting isn't relaxing. Sitting is what you do in a hospital room. Sitting is what you do when waiting in a hallway for a test. Sitting is what you do when the circumstances of life have nailed your feet down to the floor in that one, f**king horrible place and you can't get up and run away. I*DON'T*WANT*TO*SIT*STILL*ANYMORE!!!
You have to get outside and pull the shrouds away and let the air touch your skin. You have to cut out bramble and get scratched up and bleed a little so you know you're alive. You have to.... or there's no great hope for Tuesday.