Big Day!

Today will be a big day for me. It will be my first day of getting outside and really trying to put in a good day's work. I have had a couple of days where I dabbled at burning brush, but today will be actual work that pushes the little farm towards a bigger picture. I've been planning on burning the garden for awhile. Each time I go out there with matches it either starts raining or the wind picks up... a LOT! So fingers crossed that today is burning the garden day. Then I'll get measurements off my barrels so I can make final plans and sketches for the stove and smoker project. Then lastly I shall get back to working on the round pen. I want to have the horses moved soon. We'll start by moving them to the round pen. They can take down the grass there while I move the solar fence charger up to the new fence and test it. Once I do any necessary problem solving at the new fence (hopefully, there won't be any), then I can put the girls out into new pasture.

In a way it is a bit depressing. If I had a different style of fence then I could just move them, instead of dealing with juggling the charger. Oh well. Someday. The plan is there... I just have to make it happen.

I have gotten out of shape over winter, so we will see how the first day back at real work will commence. I will have to battle the desire to stop and look around. Everything just looks so good! The grass, while far too thin in places, just looks so green and gorgeous! The wild plums are blooming. The crabapples are on the cusp of blooming. They are also in need of some pruning. The deer have been after the cherry trees already so I have gotten serious about peeing around the trees. Kind of wishing I had planted them farther from the road. Since I started the "cherry protection program" they have shown no more signs of deer nibbling. I won't pronounce the project a success yet.... not til I get to pick some cherries.

Whenever I think of fencing or other horse projects, I have to slow myself down a bit. Am I getting a head of myself?..... Am I getting too fancy? I usually have to remind myself of the K.I.S.S. principle. K.I.S.S.= Keep It Simple, Stupid. The simplest solution is usually the most elegant, the most practical, the most affordable. This time of year I have to force myself to think about the principle. This time of year the mind can chase after flights of fancy. Anything can seem possible when I am looking at all of this green. Nothing has gone terribly wrong yet. A new season, a fresh slate, more unbridled enthusiasm then an old broad has the right to wield!

So, that's the plan for my big day.....measure barrels, burn the garden, work on the round pen. Sounds easy enough. We'll get out there and see what can possibly go wrong, or be overlooked, or forgotten..... this is going to be such a good day!

Louie

So Long, Old Friend

Yesterday I made the call. I got my information and made the arrangements. My old truck is going to the scrape heap to be recycled. It has been getting used as a shed and there were some tools, lots of nails, far too much garbage. I must take responsibility for my share of that since I practically lived in it while we were digging the trenches for the house. I kept a supply of matches, toilet paper and sometimes food in the truck. The food was probably not a good idea considering the amount of mice we had. Oh well. We learn from experience. Mac also had a very bad habit of tossing trash in my truck. If he spied something blowing around, into my truck it would go. He always said that he would put it in the garbage can when we got back to town. But I don't recall him ever doing that. Hmmmmm.

The old truck was the first vehicle since my marriage that could have been called "mine". It drove better for me then anyone else. It gave me better mileage. It smelled a bit of gas, oil and wet dog. It had enough holes in it that it hadn't gotten to the point of being totally unsightly, but the wind moved through it sufficiently enough to act as a deer whistle. Deer just didn't run out in front of that truck... or possibly it could be that the exhaust pipe had about dissolved. It wasn't exactly quiet.

Smaller side mirrors had been original on the truck. One saturday when poking around the automobile department, Mac picked up a pair of extended side mirrors. I had been wanting the bigger mirrors. They were heavier duty. The supports caused the mirrors to extend from the sides of the truck a good eight to ten inches. I could SEE behind me! No more blind spots. It made it easier when pulling the little trailer we had. It was one of those gifts that showed that he actually listened to me on occasion. Unlike the christmas that I got the blender. My truck... my mirrors, made me feel loved.

I remembered about the mirrors yesterday when cleaning out the truck. Found the saw I had been looking for. My old lead rope that I had made. My hoof pick. Assorted gardening tools. There was a whistle with an extended body and the end of it unscrewed so you could store a bit of tinder and matches inside. Apparently the whistle was for signaling the rescue party or something. It was a gift from one of my kids, who apparently thought I was going to the mountains instead of rural parts of Iowa. I gave it a shake. Still had matches. After a year or more of being exposed to a mouse population, there is no way that whistle was going in my mouth! Years ago, the seat frame had gotten broken and my son in law, as an emergency fix, took the drivers seat out and moved the passenger seat over. The levers for seat adjustment were on the wrong side after that, but the cab was especially roomy. The dog loved the space. There were times when working on the house, when I would take a break, have a nap with Fiona laying in the truck next to me. I would tell people the truck was customized for me and my dog. It typically wasn't their idea of "customized", but it worked for me. It was MY truck Now it is going to be scrape metal. I will get paid something for it and that money will go toward the property taxes. Still not enough money but I'm closer. This is the last act of service that my truck will give to me. If I were the kind of person that cried, I think I just might shed a tear or two over my old truck.

So long, Old Friend.

Louie

Bear With Me....

You will have to bear with me this morning as my mind runs everywhere. I cannot seem to keep it tethered today. I need to be thinking about the garden. Normally the snow is still melting off during this time of the year but it seems that spring really is here. This last weekend I even saw a woman with bedding plants. I would have gone to the garden center to look but, since I have no money, it would have been too painful. Instead I just visited my dream farming machine. The generic version of the John Deere gator. I guess they call them UTV's now. We looked at it. Looked at different options. I was over come with equipment lust. Bedding plant lust would have been just too much.

Horses are fed and while out, I was looking at the little bit that I have to do on the round pen. The worst will be the home made gates. I really fear screwing those up. I have too much anxiety on this score so I need to just get my butt out there and work on it. Sometimes when my mind fails me, my hands come through. And since spring is here, I need to burn off the garden. Then get a load of manure. Then borrow the neighbors tiller. I want to be ready the moment that the local greenhouse opens.

As I try to plan the day my mind keeps going to farm math. It gives me headaches. I need to come up with three hundred to finish accumulating the money for property taxes. I need a couple of hundred for grass seed. About two hundred and fifty for the bees. About eighty dollars for the mushrooms and finally forty for the chickens..... fifty would be better. Let's see approximately $880.00 total. That's kind of depressing. Well, I need the three hundred before the month is out. The rest I have a bit of a window on. I need to force myself to call about scraping the old truck. I don't know why I have such an emotional aversion to doing this. I will have to get over it. Better put it on the to-do list or I will avoid it even longer.

When I look out the window there is no doubt that it is spring. The wild plums and the crabapples are blooming. The grass in the yard needs to be mown already. Time to get the mower up and running. I should probably take the gas cans into town and get them filled so I have them when they are needed. That will probably involve more farm math as well. I don't want to think about money right now..... it's spring and my mind is just everywhere!

Louie

A New Project!!!!

I get an e-letter from Mother Earth News. Sometimes it tells me about something that motivates me. Sometimes I get frustrated by some of the modernization the magazine has undergone. Sometimes they show projects that rely more on the getting help side of things rather then self reliance. To be fair, it also does a lot to make people believe that they can rely more on green energies and because of the spotlight they put on solar and wind technologies, improvements in those technologies have been made.

Today was special. Today I checked on an article. It was pretty simple DIY stuff. Then I looked at the side bar that had related content. That article led me to another article and then another. I landed on this fascinating article about things to do with a fifty-five gallon steel barrel. It was one of the blast from the past articles that had originally been published in 1973. The story was about a couple setting up house in Alaska. There were/are so many oil drums and gas cans as refuse that they became important resource materials. There were simple instructions for a smoker, a shower, a stove, a grill.... you get the idea. It totally fired me up. It also made me think about the little guest cabin I want to build. It will need a stove for cooking, for heat source, maybe even hot water. The M*E*N piece just had the stove as a cook stove, but I think I can make it do more. I think with very little effort it can become much more. I'm jazzed!

The stove that was featured had the fifty-five gallon steel drum on side. A door was cut in the flat top which was now the front. That door was cut out as a ten inch square. A portion of the curved side... now the top was cut out. Not totally though, just back about two/thirds of the length of the barrel. Flat pieces were welded into this space creating a flat cook top. What was still the curved side of the barrel had a hole cut through to accommodate chimney pipe. Pretty simple, but pretty ingenious. Then I got to thinking that if some changes were made, you could squeeze in a small oven as well. Then I thought if adequate protection was given to the copper pipe then you could run some water through the copper and heat water. The water could be used not just for baths or washing dishes but possibly for radiant heating in the floors. The question is... could I squeeze it all in? I think I could make this work. I have been reading up on so many alternative methods of doing things from rocket and Lorena stoves to building roofs from printing plates or sod, that I think I must have gotten some engineering principles lodged into my brains. It will just take a little ingenuity.... and my neighbor Dan helping me out with some welding. He has already told me that I need to learn to weld and he won't be doing a lot of that stuff for me..... but maybe just this once.

The other barrel project that got me excited was the smoker. The Alaskan fellow set his barrel on end and ran a smoke channel from a five gallon used and cleaned gas can. The gas can was used as the fire box. The part of this project that got me going was that they set the barrel into a hill a little so it was bermed. That requires digging! I can do that!! All of my best projects start out with digging. I'm the queen of digging! As always, I think I will do it differently. I think I would like to make mine from two barrels. I can get barrels for free so I will go with cheap and cheerful. I have been hungry for ham and it has gotten so expensive! You can easily spend forty dollars for a ham. Then there is bacon! It has been suggested that bacon can be a part of the cause of colon/rectal cancer. Apparently from the chemicals used in the curing process. I could smoke my own bacon and me and my family could have safe and happy butts! How cool is that!?

In the meantime, there is so much to do! I need a garden hose and some clips and then my round pin will be done. I am very excited about that. Soon it will be time to start on the hay shed. Lots of small projects. Cleaning the yard... getting the garden started. Understory planting in the woods. For awhile, I was letting this list of things to do become a burden. I think I've had an attitude adjustment. Mostly from looking at my existence through another person's eyes, rather then from my own feelings of expectation. I have so many exciting things to do and I have the luxury that my survival isn't dependent on having them done immediately. I feel like George Bailey and Clarence the angel is saying, "You see, George, you really did have a wonderful life." Just how cool is that?

Louie

Soil

I managed to get out and feed the horses early, in between showers. We have had about four days of rain now and things are getting pretty squishy. There were some good signs as I made my way through the puddles. First, as I walked to the horses and back I found five earthworms. To put that in perspective... the property is approximately 38 acres and is close to being a quarter of a mile square. So, a quarter of a mile from the front to the back... a quarter of a mile from side to side. Five earthworms isn't a lot BUT it is more then I had before. When we got the property it was deceptive just how devoid of nutrient the soil was. I noticed that as we dug foundations and fence post holes that I rarely ever saw worms. Later, I found out that if there is no nutrient in the soil for them to eat... they leave. But we have been mowing and the cuttings fall back into the soil and compost and ever so slowly, the worms return. The second good sign was that in a couple of places you could stand and if you were quiet, you could hear the water percolating through the soil. This was exciting for me, possibly because I don't have a life, but it means the water is going where it is needed, instead of just running down the hill into the drainage ditch and away to parts unknown.

I have been telling myself that with all of the rain, I should put my time to good use and sew. I am trying to make some bags for sale. I really don't want to sew. The warm weather is seductive and luring. How I want to be out in it! But it is too wet to accomplish anything. I tell myself that if I sew, I can buy seeds and rent an aerator. How exciting is that!? Orchard grass, timothy and red clover, oh my! Other women say.... "diamonds" in a husky voice of passion.... for me it is "seeds". I probably need to get out more, or possibly take up drinking, one or the other.

This morning on my trek out to the horses, I did take some time to gloat. My ground is looking so green. It becomes more vibrant every day. Then I look over at the neighbor, Gary's place. He took the advice of modern agriculture. He seeded and sprayed and his place still just looks like hell. Other then the drive area it is still brown, brown, brown! There are some patches of weed coming up that are lending a bit of color. Not only do I get to gloat, but I am encouraged that I am doing things right. Now if I only had that seed.... if only.

Okay, no more rumination for me this morning! I must go sew. I must get busy! I must earn my seed money! Oh yeah, Baby! Seed!

Louie

Care and Feeding of the Diseased Spouse

Holy Crap!!!! Mac forgot his morning pills again. He has a tendency to neglect his medication. He has turned me into a nag. He has chosen to firmly shove his head up his ass in defiance to his need for modern medicine. It is frustrating for me. I am tired of always being the pill pusher ... the bad guy.... the brow beater ... the shrew. The good news is that he has found out that if he misses his heart meds he will be feeling lousy with in a couple of hours. So, we pack up a spare set of the morning meds to be kept at school. When I catch that he has missed his dosage then he has a fallback. I call him and he just has to slip away from the students long enough to take his pills, then life is good again.

The universal side effects of taking medication is loss of appetite or increased appetite, dry mouth, constipation or diarrhea. Since being taken off the prednisone, Mac has had loss of appetite. The dry mouth makes the oral version of the graft vs. host more uncomfortable. It also makes it harder to chew food. Not getting enough food makes it hard for the body to poop. Runway models must have a helluva time with constipation... but that's another topic. The other night I baked some brownies and loaded them up with a flax seed, dried blueberry and dried raspberry product. I can personally vouch for the fact that these brownies will, while tasting yummy, clean out the plumbing on any normal person. Mac is having trouble chewing them. He is having trouble chewing everything. Frustrating! I tell him to just dunk the food that he can dunk. My grandfather had no teeth. I KNOW about dunking! We all dunked because Grandpa did. So just dunk the damn food! Mac does not dunk. Therefore he is having trouble eating the brownies with additives.... he is still constipated and I am tired of hearing about it.

The GVH has been getting worse, slowly and insidiously, it spreads. What was a couple of spots on the arch of his foot has spread across the bottom of the foot. Onto the heel of the foot. Between his toes. A couple of spots of GVH on his hands and now one on his head. We know that when he was on a course of ganciclovir (aka glancyclovir) that his GVH improved tremendously. We know from reading that at other transplant facilities the ganciclovir is used for GVH, but I cannot talk the Iowa City doctors into this treatment. Yesterday, I decided to try to do some internet research and see what I could find to strengthen my argument for this treatment. During that research I found a single line reference that said the ganciclovir came from the same root as the medicine quinine. Quinine!!!! Somewhere, someplace I had read that transplant patients found relief by drinking tonic water.... tonic water with QUININE! I went to the local box store and picked up several bottles of tonic water last night. They are big bottles and I was able to get him to drink about a quarter of it. Quinine is pretty much just a trace amount so I will need to get him to drink more. We are hopeful. We are hopeful because , we have no choice. The topical hydrocortisone really isn't doing anything and a person has to be proactive, or you just give up! But if we get significant improvement then perhaps we can talk the doctors into at least giving Mac a prescription dosage of the quinine. I am tired of the concept of just maintaining of a low level of GVH. I want a shot at getting it gone! I want a shot at the ability of Mac to eat a normal meal. I don't want to have to hear about poop!

I will keep you posted on my great experiment. Yeah that's right! If I have to hear about it.... you have to hear about it!

Louie

This year! This Year!!!

We are going through a pretty poopy time. Money is threatening to bring us down, yet again!! Taxes, insurance.... food! Everything just seems a bit overwhelming, but then I look at all of the other things that I have been working so hard to set into motion. All of the things that I have broken down into baby steps and tiny bites. The mushroom beds are so close to being ready and ordering the spawn isn't very time sensitive. I will be ordering my first chicks in about two weeks. Tonight is bee class.... just two more classes left. I should order my bees no later then mid April, which gives me a little time. Two hives will run around $150.- $160. and that isn't counting the wood to get the hive built. I can just build my brooder boxes right now. I won't need the supers until the honey run. It all seems so manageable. It is al coming in steps, one thing after another.


Two things I feel that I am neglecting... acquiring sheep and starting grape vines. Then this morning I kind of had an epiphany. We were watching PBS before Mac went to work. Burt Wolf was on in a show called "What We Eat". Todays topic was the California wine industry, which of course, had to be compared to the French wine industry. They told about some sort of root scourge or fungus that decimated the French fields. They solved the problem by putting French vines on American roots. This is where we say "Eureka!!" The property gets covered in native grape vines every spring, especially in the garden. This year I will have a "vineyard" prepared and the native vines will get transplanted. Later I will bud graft my wine variety onto my native stock. The advantage of bud grafting is that it's easier and also, for every slip I have with eight or more buds on it, I can start eight or more vines. While if I just plant the slip, I get one vine. The variety that I would like to plant is Vignole. It is more tender and the addition of the native rootstock should help it a great deal. Of course there is the possibility that I will not get to the wine project yet this year, but it could happen.... I want it to happen.

This is going to be our year!! It has to be! This is it! This year! This year!!!

Louie

Certain Realities

It is tax month and I have to deal with certain realities. Reality can be tenuous at times. I prefer to deal with my dream state and planning how to make things happen. But tax month does not let you do that. I need to scare up enough dough to get my property taxes paid. I have almost half of it. Still need to get Mac's help on going through the old pickup and getting tools etc. out of it so I can get it sold for scrap. That might make up the other half. Income taxes are coming up and I need to get over to see my tax preparer. Don't have the hundred dollars for that. If I am lucky we might get enough of that back to also help with the property taxes. Robbing Peter to pay Paul.

It's really hard to have to think about money so much. It hurts my head and damages my general feeling of good will.

BUT, if I DO get a good tax return then I can not just pay my property taxes, but maybe get some other things bought. Of course, I have to pay back my mom and that will be five hundred gone right off the top, but maybe there will be money for my mushrooms and bees. Maybe even for chicken supplies! And if things are really good, maybe I could afford some finish grade plywood and get some shelves and stuff built in the house and get some crap put away! There! wishful thinking... back where I belong. My head has stopped hurting now.

These realities must be faced so how will I go about it? I think I will call my tax preparer lady and set up an appointment for later this week. Then to reward myself, I shall try to bake some bread. I found a recipe for Shaker daily loaf that I want to try. Then there was that recipe for Anadama bread that is a batter bread that was also enticing me. If I get all of my tax papers together then I will have to reward myself by going to pick up some hay bales. On the day I go to have my taxes prepared then I shall have to haul out the heavy guns and plan to go to Dairy Queen and get ice cream. By then, I shall be in dire need of medicinal desserts.

Okay! Head is hurting again.... baby steps. Reality has to be taken with moderation. A person could get hurt with too much reality.

Louie

The Gift

I've been given an amazing gift today. It was a posting on Facebook. A friend commented on me and a stranger to me commented back.... "I want her life"

My life? You want my life?! My life with the poverty? My life with the immune system collapse and reactive airway disease? My life with the back that causes me to go through long spells of chronic pain. The life with the husband that has been afflicted with leukemia, not once, but twice.. the resulting venal occlusion of the liver, the graft vs. host? I had to wonder if they knew what long nights in the ICU were like. Do they know what it's like to have a Dr. tell me that if I take my husband home, he'll die?

That can't be what they are seeing. What is it? What do they see in me? How do they perceive my life? I've been trying to take a mental step back. I'm trying to see my big picture. I cannot speak for them. I don't know what they are looking for in my life, but tonight there was something that I realized about myself. And that is..... I can build a foundation. If necessary, I can build it with just my two hands. I will do it when I'm not sure that I will be able to build the walls. When that is done, I will build the walls, not knowing if I can build a roof. I will build a roof when I do not know if I can finish the house or if my husband will live in it with me. I do it, because it is the next step. I have to do it. It's the only thing to do.

I know what the dream is to be. The picture is indelibly etched on my mind. There is only one direction to travel. 'While my mind is on the picture, I am in the right now, taking the next step. Because that is all I know how to do.

I believe that people know what they are to be, what they are to do, but they are typically too strapped to conformity to pursue their own greater good. They have too much fear. Mostly they fear being perceived as foolish. I suppose that is my great luck that I really don't give a rat's ass about what people think of me, but I am so sorry that I waited so long to begin. Oh well, maybe this is the way it had to be.... maybe this is my own personal fullness of time. My journey. My next step. and because of one comment, by one person, that I don't even know, I feel renewed. I feel clarity.

I have been given such a wonderful gift!

Louie

Genetic Flaw

I have decided that I have some sort of genetic flaw that makes me want to build stuff.... lots of stuff. I am currently trying to read up on stone circles. I've gotten Rob Roy's book on stone circles from thew library and it's a project that i am keen to get a start on. As well as the outdoor kitchen..... the fireplace... the outdoor oven.... Yup! there definitely has to be something wrong with me. I keep thinking how nice it would be to have a second piece of land with a huge pond on it. Then I could build cabins around the pond. That would be so much fun!!

Last night I was drawing floor plans again. I can't help myself. It's better then a puzzle for keeping the mind occupied. And there is no stress. It is only paper. You can work out your square footage, your ceiling heights, storage spaces, appliance sizes, electrical and water usage. It's all strangely addictive.

I see huge houses and I am amazed at the amount of wasted space there is in them and then I look at the cabin designs. There can't be ANY wasted space. No dead corners. It has to be a little jewel box of architecture, It has to be as perfect as you can manage it.

The smallest I seem to be able to get with a fully functioning house is 16x24 ft. I've seen smaller houses built but you either give up the option of ever having company over, or relinquishing the use of a washer and dryer. I think that's a mistake. And speaking of company... you really have to plan your outdoor space more when you have a small house. It needs to be so pleasant, because people who live in small houses do so because that isn't what's important to them. The house is smaller part of a greater whole. Yes, I am needing to build a cabin.... and I will get to it just as soon as I finish my stone circle, my outdoor kitchen, my fireplace, my oven.... and it IS almost spring!

Louie

Glorious morning!!!

I walked out to feed the horses a bit earlier then usual today. The sun is shining. There is a breeze from the south. The air smells of damp earth and the birds are singing. Some more of the migratory birds must have gotten back because I can't remember when I was last serenaded. It is just so beautiful out and I suppose, for having the winter, I appreciate it that much more.

I have some projects to work on in the house this morning and I think I will have to spend the afternoon outside. It is too beautiful not to do so. Heart wrenchingly beautiful.

It is going to be a wonderful spring!!

Louie

Oh! My Aching Back!

Due to a work injury, I have three herniated disks. For some reason they have never properly healed. To keep from having trouble with them I have to watch my activity. I can't be sedentary or it will get bad and I can't do too much or it gets bad. I especially have to watch that I don't work very long at a counter as the slight incline in my posture gets painful really quickly. I know all of the things I have to do, but I don't think I managed to stay physical enough this winter. Then yesterday, Mac startled me. I jumped and turned and out it went.

I spent the rest of the evening with the tens unit on my back. Took my ibuprofen. Had to have help getting up and sitting down, getting into bed. Not an easy task as Mac has lost all of his muscle.

Activity is always the answer so got out and hauled water to the horses. Hurt like hell!! But finishing the task did loosen it up. After wards I was able to lift both legs. Then a hot bath and I am able to get in and out of chairs without heroic measures.

The weather is suppose to get better this week and just in time! I need to get out there and get my muscles back. I need to feel some sun. Hopefully start feeling like myself again. Walk in an upright position

I can't let this slow me down. This is suppose to be our year! The year when we make great strides forward. The year where we really nail down the dream. The year when we start making a farm income!! And I can't let a crappy back stand in the way.

With that in mind.... I think I need to go get some more ibuprofen.

Louie

Right Now

We have had a bit of a whirlwind of stressful activities again. Mac's oncologist visit. Dr. Hiatt seems fairly well content with everything, but he did increase the potency of the hydrocortisone cream that Mac is using on his graft vs. host. There is always the fear that something will happen... some unseen evil will manifest itself and Dr. Hiatt will send Mac away to Iowa City. We live in fear of Iowa City.

On the heels of the doctor visit was paying this months bills. Always stressful. Always causes a great deal of adrenaline, which in turn makes me think that fist fights are a good thing. Two days and multiple chest pains later, I am right as rain. We have these things behind us and I can concentrate on right now.

Right now it is snowing. It doesn't seem to be accumulating and the huge flakes are dancing around, swirling. Very much like being a part of a snow globe. Right now I am reading a book on beekeeping and hopefully, I will soon be building my first hive boxes. And now, daughter Kate and I are planning what pickles and jams we will be canning this spring. I'm also trying to decide on some new sewing projects, now that the bedroom curtains are done. They are temporarily hung. I will have to buy the curtain rods when we get past the expense of heating the house. For now they are strung up on baling twine. Not the most attractive, but it gets the job done, none the less.... cheap and cheerful.

Now, I am glad that I saw my first meadowlark. A cheerful reminder that spring is just inches away.

Money will be incredibly tight this month with taxes and insurance due but for right now, this moment, things are pretty good. I'm just going to take some time and enjoy it.

Louie