Wednesday, September 29, 2010


Unlike a lot of people these days..... I have a sense of humor. I have been told that it isn't a normal sense of humor. Actually, I have been called, sick, weird, convoluted, bizarre and ....Cornish. It's probably all true. My humor was forged amongst the neighborhood boys while on their way to boy scout meetings. This, of course, included fart humor. I remember one particular summer the fart joke of choice was the "one it". It was necessary to start off with someone "ripping one". ( Usually my brother) Then the entourage would chime in. First boy, "one it"... second boy "two it"... third boy "three it" and so on down the line to the eighth boy "eight it". When the group response was, " Oh man! you ate it! You're sick man!"

As the summer progressed it became ever more important to be the first to chime in "one it" because you didn't want to be the eighth man. So the joke morphed and when a person yelled out "one it" the response became. "you can have it!" From this very humble beginning I learned a lot of word play... and to stay away from my brother when he's farting.

I learned that when someone asks you, "What's your problem?!" The perfect response is, "Your face!!"

Being raised around a pack of boys I have to be careful to not fall into "Your momma" humor. It just doesn't work when a woman casts those kinds of accusations about weight, sexual prowess or lack thereof, at another woman. Even if you don't know her. Though I have to say I am very fond of "Your momma is so fat, that she sat on a quarter and a booger popped out of George Washington's nose!" That one has to be used with caution.... I'm getting to the age where I could be accused of being the booger popper.

Humor is my refuge. I've been known to tell jokes at funerals "Don't you think it's in poor taste to serve cold cuts after a funeral!" I tell jokes at birthdays. "It's not the years. It's the miles.... you've been speeding again haven't you?" And, in general, I live a life of socially unacceptable humor. But there are days when I listen to other people, so-called important people and I think, "Man! Somebody really needs to rip one off right now".


Another P.S. today..... checked my stats again and I just want to say....GOOD MORNING, CHINA!....GOOD MORNING, LATVIA!....GOOD MORNING GERMANY!....GOOD MORNING UNKNOWN PERSON AT THE AC REPAIR PLACE IN PHOENIX, WHOSE READING THIS INSTEAD OF WORKING! I'm really very fond of you all.

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