I think I am suffering from some delayed stress from the heart attack. I am lacking clarity of thought and I seem to have run into some depression as if it were a wall. I don't like it. Depression is not my style. My mind tends to try to find ways around , under, over. Fake right and jump left. If that doesn't work there is rage. Rage brings out the warrior woman. When I can't get something done... the warrior woman can.
For me, to be depressed is to see failure. I don't like that either. I don't expect great success or wealth in my life. I expect many small successes that carry me through, that bring me joy.... that pay off the mortgage. That's not too much, right? That's any person's due, isn't it?
But today, I am still seeing blackness. I just need some small successes. Maybe a small injection of joy. Perhaps a little good news. Maybe some fresh ideas. Life goes on... it has to.