Faith

Some people lose faith and some people keep it... go figure.

We go into a restaurant. We look at a menu and we have faith that the individual taking our order will bring us our food. They have faith that we will pay for it. Sometimes there are hiccups. Sometimes the dressing isn't on the side. Or the meat is over cooked. But we don't lose our faith. We keep going to restaurants. We keep ordering food and we keep believing that they will bring us our food. We keep the faith.

As an example, let's take a union. I know a guy that quit his union because in a contract around ten years ago, a small detail item that he was interested in got dropped. So small that I really can't remember what it was. But that was all it took for him to have a snit, lose faith, quit and go home. It didn't matter that it was a contract that had a raise and a condition improvement. It didn't matter that the good of the many was served. All it took was for him to not have the world lay down the way he thought it should and he lost faith.

The reverse side of the coin. People find out that their minister consorts with prostitutes. (You might remember. It was national news) He comes back to the congregation and has himself a good cry and everyone forgives him and he continues. As a matter of fact he also continues to see prostitutes. People didn't lose faith in him.

Now to be honest here... I DON'T GET IT!!! It seems that recently I have seen so many people lose faith over nothing. Most of the time when I ask about it, they can't even give me solid answers. They say things like.....I'm so disillusioned! I know things that you don't know. I've seen things you haven't seen. I know somebody who has heard stories. The only thing anyone cares about is money....

Maybe I'm the one that's confused. So many people tripping over pebbles and pondering over the pebble as if it is life changing. A big, friggin' boulder they could go around but this little pebble is going to alter their existence. I don't know... my instinct tells me to jap-slap them up side the head and say, "Snap out of it, Whiney-Baby!!!" I don't know... I must be different.

But until I run into a boulder that I can't handle, I'm just gonna keep the faith, Baby... keep the faith.

louie

Autumn

I shouldn't look forward to autumn, but it's my favorite season. Perhaps it is my favorite because it isn't so damn hot!!! The heat has been somewhat crippling lately. I hate it when something slows me down. I especially hate it when it creates a weakness. The heat does that to me. On bad days it feels like it takes a fair bit of extra muscle to pull my air in. I want to pull air in. I like air.

With the better air quality, cooler temperatures and the threat of winter, I accomplish things in autumn. Well, I certainly didn't get any fence up this summer so it MUST get done this autumn. I spend hours thinking about what marvels I could create if I just had about three guys strong and true ...... with chain saws.

Autumn ISN'T here so I better go ahead and plan for today. What can I do, despite myself? Maybe clean the floor? My ass is dragging so badly that I'm leaving a little polished trail anyway. Yup, I think that's about all I've got in me today.

louie

Today is the first day.......

Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Seems to me that the first time I heard that it came from the lips of Anita Bryant. Lots of stuff came from the lips of Anita Bryant, like if God had wanted there to be homosexuals he would have created Adam and Bruce. She suddenly stopped hawking orange juice after that one. Ahh, the seventies! I had some good times in the seventies. I wasn't the only idealistic person I knew. We believed that change was possible cause we were going to do it whether the government said it was okay or not. Which meant we were watching and waiting for better solar and an electric car that was more then a wedge that only one very skinny hiney could fit into.

The war was over and the returning vets fueled the back to the land movement. Mother Earth News which started out as a bit of an underground publication was becoming a very hot mag. Mother started a bartering system that was so effective that the government found a way to tax bartered goods..... just as soon as they found out about it. Mother also put a spin on the personal ad that was a decade before it's time. The commune was reborn, though in this country we refer to them as utopian societies.

There was a big push that everyone accepted as a good thing called "zero population growth" It just made sense that there should roughly be about as many people being born as were dying. Then the powers that be figured out that we weren't breeding as many good little consumers and the idea was left by the wayside.

Women burned their bras and finally there was an aspect of the women's liberation movement that the guys could get behind. It practically turned the five o'clock news into sweeps week. The big battle was getting out of the "pink ghetto" and finding decent paying jobs. Women returned to the factory where they hadn't been seen since their post war eviction.

Unions were still in full operation. People were still around that remembered what it was like without a union. They were the only watchdog organization that used any clout to keep jobs in this country. They warned about the lose of manufacturing. Reagan said "Don't worry!" as he slit the throat of the union. The first blow coming with the air controllers strike. Under his leadership we left manufacturing or should I say manufacturing left us? We became a nation dependent on the service industry.

Somehow, in the decades since the seventies, I have watched people become weak. People were once social catalysts. our actions drove our politics, for good or bad. People built their own homes, worked on their own cars, built their own boats, put in their own gardens. Now we either aren't allowed to do those things, we don't feel we 'can' do those things or we are told it's just not fashionable.

Then a funny thing happened on my downward spiral. I read a little article about a mustang named Nevada Joe. Joe was a Bureau of Land Management mustang who was trained by a guy named Pat Parelli. I looked him up on the computer. I started to listen to what he said and it didn't just pertain to horses. He never said that an old broad with a messed up neck, a bunged up back who can't breathe shouldn't be out doing stuff. He told me I could do anything with the right tools, time and technique. He told me I could go as far as my imagination. He told me that if someone wasn't traveling in the same direction that I was, I needed to leave them behind. He told me that what other people thought of me was none of my business. It was amazing what I could accomplish once the dream killers were gone.

Pat has seen me through two bouts of leukemia and a stem cell transplant. He has seen me through the death of my dad. He has seen me through this land purchase that was so scary that I almost wet my big girl panties and he has seen me through the process of building a house. Pat and my family are the biggest motivations in my life and though they do not know it they have all taken a pretty broken up person and turned her into a warrior woman. I fight for this place, the little farm, I fight for what I believe is just and I fight for my right to do things for myself. In this little way I suppose I am trying to revive the seventies. I want to empower the people around me too.

Today, you know, the first day of the rest of my life? Well, today I'm going to go get serious about my horsemanship journey, cause I've heard that Parelli stuff works on horses, not just old broads. Besides, I promised Stacey, and I always keep my promises.

louie

Making Plans

I am making plans. That's what I do. These plans are special to me because they aren't for me. They are for a friend. The plans are for an interestingly shaped cabin. Kind of a long narrow affair. The shape we are kind of stuck with as the trenching and septic is an improvement that she inherited with the land purchase. It has been something that proves to be an interesting exercise for the mind.

What makes it especially tantalizing is that it is for an off-grid home. So now it gets interesting. You can't just throw something in because it will work and it fits... it has to fit the situation. The home has to be built well enough that it requires less when it comes to utilities. Despite it 's smallness it needs to be even more comfortable for the times when she can't get out. I don't want her to go mad or anything. Not only will the need for energy be less but there has to be multiple systems so that if something fails, she will have another way to pick up the slack.

The more passive systems that can be incorporated the better. They just work because that is the nature of the world. For instance, windows facing the south will warm a home in the winter but not in the summer. While west facing windows will cook you in the summer and freeze you in the winter, even if they are double glazed with an argon gas. Water follows the course of least resistance. So give it a course and don't rely on pumps to keep a basement dry. It just takes more thinking before you start and you end up with better living once you are there.

I don't have absolutely exact measurements so the plan is more of a suggestion. And it is a plan that may never be built. I am encouraged though because I drew up the plans for our house. I know my ideas are correct. That's the good part. That's a muscle that has already been flexed and I am empowered by it. And the more that I am empowered then the more I can go on and do. On and on. Just imagine... we could truly change the way we live, and the world, if more of us just felt the empowerment to do so. I think everybody should draw house plans.

louie

Unnecessary Kindness

I have never watched "A Streetcar Named Desire" but I have a depth of understanding of Blanche DuBois's famous quote, "I have often relied on the kindness of strangers". Considering that I haven't read the book or seen the film I hope that she isn't talking about sex cause that will totally ruin my comparison. Though it does remind me of something I have often thought..... How do people from the south even have sex? It's just too stinking hot and humid. Usually when it's that hot the human response is, "Don't touch me! you're sticking to me! You smell!" Now autumn! that's a different matter!

Alright, that's enough of that... back to Blanche DuBois.

There have been days when I have been surprised by the kindness of others. Especially when it isn't a part of a job description.. when it just happens, spontaneous and unnecessary. I had such a moment yesterday. It is no secret that things have been especially difficult for us lately. As a result, I lost my savvy club membership with the Parelli organization. Now, from a financial perspective, I had probably hung on to it longer then was responsible, but I really can't put into words just what it means to me. It provides the most incredibly supportive community! Support is something I have been needing a lot of lately.

Then it was gone and my answer was to just try and stay busy. But I didn't want the organization to think I was cutting them off or that this was a voluntary decision. I needed to not say good bye but rather au revoir, as they say in the movies. So I jotted an e-mail off and sent it to corporate before I could give myself time to think about it. Then the next day I received a phone call. I almost didn't answer it as I thought it was probably a bill collector. But I did answer it and it was Stacey from Parelli and she wanted to know what was going on. We talked for awhile. Then she did the most unnecessary thing. She gifted me a years membership. And the best part is.... there is a string attached. I am to update them on my progress with my horses. Considering that I live under the laws of crisis management, this is wonderful news!! I must get better to maintain my membership. I have a reason to put my horsemanship journey closer to the top of the list. I'm so excited. There's so much to do! I can't wait.

louie

Update

So today is the day. My marathon of projects is over. I need to spend the rest of today cleaning the house, sheets on the bed and general pillow fluffing type activities.

If you remember it was a gargantuan list with some difficult projects, especially the outdoor kitchen. Here are the completions from the list. I did get the trap door for the access hole to the crawl space built and installed. I did get the Dining Area countertop built, stained and polyurethaned and installed. I did get a hook board made stained, polyurethaned and installed.

The projects that are started but not finished are the arbor, which just needs the cross members evened up then painted and lights installed. The electric is already there. Reworking the upstairs bed situation didn't get very far. Though the dismantling and clearing the area to work has been accomplished. The footing for the outside fireplace is half dug, and that is the ONLY thing accomplished for the outdoor kitchen.

All in all the list is a failure but I will continue plucking away at it.... because I have to. The list tended to lead me off on tangents as well. I almost have the dirt smoothed out over where I had the footing trenches filling with water, and that was a lot of earthwork. I worked on my upstairs sink project. The hard stuff is pretty much finished on that. I've come to a stand still for want of tiles. I will have those later today. I installed a drain line on the east side of the house and it is almost covered with dirt as well. I did get the corner cabinet up in the kitchen. I have two other small cabinets ready to go up but I need to get a shelf built first. It's easier to install cabinets if you go in progression around the room, so that project also ended up on hold. I almost have two cabinets finished up in the dining area. They are a couple of screws and two coats of polyurethane away from being finished. I also have nine cabinet doors that I have been working on. They are incredible time stealers as you have to deal with both sides equally. They just need the polyurethane and they are done and can be installed. I spent most of one day mowing.

A couple of problems that I had... one was the weather. With the rain and humidity it took forever for the stain and polyurethane to dry. The other problem was the amount of time it took me to think of solutions to my problems or to motivate myself to jump in and try. Once I started to trust myself then things started to pick up speed. I also spent too much time looking for things. Mac will not be allowed to "put away" my tools until we are done with more projects. A considerable amount of time and cussing was spent in search of things I KNEW that I had but could not find. I also spent time looking for old doors. some of my projects will go up much faster if I can use old doors as the starting point. I could have recaptured my time lost if the doors had been acquired. That didn't happen.

So there we stand. I don't quite feel like a failure but I certainly don't feel like the success that I wanted to be. I'm tired but that is mostly just mental/emotional. I'm not giving up. There's a lot to do.

louie

I can see the finish line!

My marathon project time is almost over. On Wednesday I'll post what I got done. As per usual, I am disappointed in myself. But I knew I would be going in. It is a huge list and I didn't get it done. The two tasks that meant the most to me were the outdoor kitchen and the arbor. Those are the largest and most technically difficult items on the list. That probably says something about my personality.

It always feels good to get a job done. It feels even better to get a hard job done. The house and everything has felt like a very long, hard job. It will be such a relief when it's done and I can move on.

I always have so many projects, so many thoughts fighting their way to the front of my brain. I've got so much to do. As soon as the house is finished, I have to find a way to make money. I have a farm to develop.... a very tiny farm to develop. I NEED to reach a level of excellence with my horsemanship. I have a beautiful life to construct and it is all waiting for me to finish the house first. I suppose what it boils down to is that I promised my husband a new house. This will be a promise fulfilled. When it's done, I can chase some promises that I made to myself.

There is another promise that is important to me. It's the only promise that I never kept to my daughters. I promised them a tree house. I'm running late on that one but you know what they say.... better late then never. They will be able to play in it with their own children. Because I always keep my promises.

louie