Wednesday, September 12, 2012


I have been adrift and I am having a bit of trouble finding my way back.  Odd how that works.  I can't quite seem to get in tune with anything I am trying to accomplish.  Mental roadblocks... money roadblocks.... that post is so damn heavy there is no way on earth I can move it roadblocks.

I have decided that frustration dulls the mind.  That seems to be the only decision I have been able to come to.  I thought things would be different and as we got into fall I would be able to get some things done.  Money that was suppose to appear, hasn't.  Cooler temperatures.... cool enough to allow me to work haven't  actually shown up.  Yesterday was 92 degrees, I believe and there was a wind from the south that about knocked me off my feet.  The ground is so baked hard even people with augers on tractors are waiting to get some rain before making post holes.

It's kind of funny.  I met with my Entrepreneurs with Disabilities counselor the other day.  She thought I needed to see a mental health professional  for some anti-depressants.  No I don't need brain drugs... I actually need solutions.  Solutions would make me very happy.  Other people see solutions differently then I do.  They have a different mind set.  I have a survival mindset.  I spend a lot of time thinking about food, mostly for my animals, but also for us.  Window trim would be very nice, but we had a drought this year and I will be needing about 120 bales of hay to get through the winter.  At the price small square bales are going for right now, that would cost me over seven hundred dollars.  I don't have seven hundred dollars, so what I need is rain.  Putting me on pills and dulling me down to a mass of drooling dimwittedness will do nothing to change my truths.

My coping mechanism for being able to do nothing has been to learn.  I have been throwing myself into what ever I can find on the internet about agroforestry, forest gardening, nitrogen fixing plants, permaculture, absolutely anything about pasture management and good passive farming designs.

There are just sooo many things that I can't do right now and I really need to stop looking at that.  Okay, what CAN I do?  ( sigh..... I'm thinking.... I'm thinking)  What I can do is call the lumberyard and get some prices so I know what I need to budget for.  I can convert the chicken coop to skids since it doesn't look like I am going to have the money to  put wheels under it.  I can start cutting rebar into four foot lengths to use for temporary electric fence posts.  I can make manure tea.

You know the old saying.... how do you eat an elephant?  One bite at a time.  Well, it's a start anyway.


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