Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Holes Continued

Holes Continue.... holes always continue, or so it seems.  I tell myself that there can be no more changes.  I just can't take anymore, I don't think.  Things are catching up to me.  Just a few days ago I noticed a clump of hair, hanging at the side of my face, streaked with shiny bright white hair.  Two thoughts zipped through my head.  The first was that I'm running out of time.  The second was that I am getting used up.  Then there was a moment of alarm, and the feeling that I can't run out of time or get used up yet.... the fence isn't done.

I just feel so much pressure.  Well, not that I didn't before, but now it has doubled, because my own mortality has added so much weight.  On top of that, I really need to have some fun before I die.  Seems I spent the first leg of my life's journey working so hard to be a good student... the good child.  The second leg being an industrious adult.  Work and pay bills.  We were always saying we could do something as soon as the bills were paid off.  The third leg of my life has been spent dealing with illness, both mine and my husband's.  So, when does the fun start?

I don't know.  I guess I just have to keep digging my holes and I'm going to have to believe that the fun will start just as soon as the fence is done.    Yup... that's what I'll keep telling myself.


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