Friday, August 17, 2012

And Now, I Breathe.....

It has been a long, hot, emotional summer.  Occasionally touting bouts of extreme depression.  Perhaps I am feeling the martyr's part, but I feel like I am holding up my husband .. a lot.  And it has gotten to the point where I feel like I support a ton weight over my head all the time.  I am probably not being fair but Mac is emotional high maintenance at the best of times.  Lately, I have been feeling completely empty.

Then a miracle happened.... school started.

The kids aren't there yet.  These are the days of teacher meetings.  A seminar is going on this year to take the place of actual prep time.  Something the principal pulled out of his ass, that is completely opposite to what he pulled out of his ass last year.

Some things don't change.

We started our school year schedule.  We got  up.  I made coffee.  I packed up his day's prescriptions.  Fed him breakfast.  Made the bed.  Sent him out the door.  Then for some reason... I kept crying.  I don't know why.  I haven't been able to cry for years now.  It's not like I was sobbing or anything.  I just couldn't stop leaking. I tried to get some things done around the house.  I wasn't accomplishing much.  Just puttering about really.  Couldn't concentrate.

Then finally, I went to see the horses.

I took out a halter, rope and my stick.  We played.  I rubbed on them.  I scratched manes and ears.  They backed.  They turned.  Chloe circled but that wasn't what I wanted.  That's okay cause they cracked me up.  Which was another miracle, because now, I can breathe.


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