When I grow up...

I am fifty-three years old and I still haven't figured out what I want to do when I grow up. I always have ideas, and to be honest, some of them are ...FANTABULOUS!!! But no matter how much I push, how much I prep, how much I learn and try to mold the situation, it just doesn't happen. Sometimes I think there is something wrong with me.

A long time ago I had the opportunity to visit with a man who worked assisting micro business start up. We talked. I kept throwing out ideas and talking about directing a business... things that could be done... possibilities. After awhile he got quiet and then he said, "You know, You're a visionary." Well, it was very nice of him to say, and I will always treasure it. It is much nicer then "a silly dreamer who will never see anything come of her notions"

So, now I sit here and recollect all of the dreams that I have dreamt. All of the things that I wanted to become and couldn't. All of the failures. Amidst all of this rubble, I want to start a new dream. As a part of making the little farm a reality, I also want to make it a satellite Parelli facility. Parelli doesn't actually have such a thing.... yet. But I feel it coming.

The hospitals left me feeling like a shell, with so much claustrophobia. The horses heal me. I feel like I have to go this direction. I feel a bit driven, truth be told.

So whether it is a silly dream or a vision... when I grow up, I want to have a little farm where I grow mushrooms and make syrup, and people will come from all over to become horsemen. They will come empty and they will leave full. I will be something and it will be good.

Louie

Next year will be better

That has almost turned into a mantra for me.... next year will be better. My life has been built on long term plans... someday when we have money. Someday when we have time. It doesn't happen. Money and time do not live in the same building. You have one or the other or neither, very rarely do you have both.

While I think it would be next to impossible for me to stop planning for way out there, far, far away, I believe it's time to have some short terms goals and plans. I need some gratification for now. I see other people do it. they say , "Oh we thought Cancun would be nice this year." and they go ! They do it!! HOW!! They can't ALL be drug dealers! Well, this is going to be something I figure out.

While I don't actually have any attachment to Cancun (They wear swimsuits there. I have no attachment to anyplace where you wear swimsuits) There are places where I DO want to go. I want to make the big trip of Ireland/Scotland and England once in my life. Kiss the blarney stone and poke a haggis with my fork. To have my friend, Dave, show me a real english pub. I want to go to Parelliland and get my mind right. To have the respite of an immersion study and to not have my brains keeping fifty different things in line. Even my goals for the little farm seem to be hanging way out there, out of reach.

But what about now? What are my goals for now? I don't know... I've got nothing. Suggestions would be welcome.

louie