Groundhog's Day

Things are crap!! It is time to contact a bankruptcy lawyer. I don't know how to go about doing that. It's confusing and scary.

We have spent our lives teetering on the poverty level and paying our bills and being terrified of living. Then a disease came along. We became terrified that we were losing our lives without living them. Disease came back when we decided we had to try and fly. Go figure!

No guarantees.

This week my miracle for living came in the form of.... Groundhog's day. Suddenly, all I can think of is what will I do the day that I can again smell the earth. The day that the ground feels spongy under my feet. Reality seems to be on hold, moving in slow motion while my mind turns and re-calibrates to this new season...this resurgence in life. I've got something to hang my hope on again.

The groundhog, Punxhatawny Phil, promised me an early spring. God bless that little rodent!!

Louie

Water!

As you all know, I made the decision to keep the ponies at home this winter instead of sending them to the neighbor guy's place. We did okay for quite awhile. The ground was clear and it was fairly easy to get all of my buckets, or the spare tank in the back of the truck and haul water out to the girls. Well, now we have a bit of snow on the ground (not bad, just about eight inches)and the water carting involves a plastic sled and five gallon buckets. Gave myself an asthma attack one day when it was colder and windier. Oh well, I live to tell the tale .... but a rescue inhaler would have been awesome that day!!

Anyway, I manage. It's hard work as their pasture is at the back of the thirty-eight acres but I need to see them everyday. They fill my eye. They sustain me.

So, each day starts with getting out the sled. Loading up the buckets. Getting out the hose. Hooking up the hose and filling the buckets. Draining the hose and laying it out so it won't freeze. Pulling the sled up the incline and across the ridge. Then on the downhill side, get out of the way and steer from the side cause it hurts pretty good if a loaded sled hits the back of your ankles. Okay, that doesn't sound like such a big deal but Mac says I'm starting to get my hourglass figure back. Okay, okay, it's a really freakin' huge hourglass!

All in all, I'm glad I kept the horses home this winter.

Louie

World Views

One of the things that has been the most enriching for me has been the friends that I have met through Parelli that are all over the world. Comforting to me that there is this common bond, community of spirit and that somehow there are people in other countries that I feel closer to then many that are within easy distance. Now that I am without internet, I realize how much strength and support these long distance friends provide to me.

The other day I wanted to let Marion know that I finished a children's story. Well, it's written. Just thumbnails done for the illustrations. I wanted to talk to Petra about some Parelli events. I wanted to talk to Sue about our road trip next fall. (We both know it is wishful thinking but we plan it anyway.) I also wanted to check out some train schedules to send to my friend in England.

So, I suppose that ultimately my world view is that what matters is folks caring about the same things.... no matter where they live. How I miss all of my "folks"!

Thinking of you...wish you were here.

Louie

Wish on an Eyelash

There is an old timey saying that if you find a fallen eyelash, place it on the back of your hand, slap the palm of your hand and if the eyelash flies away, your wish will come true. There's a problem though...... has anyone noticed that eyelashes look just like nose hairs?

I think that some where along the line, I have wished upon a nose hair. Instead of a wish come true it was a blight. I am blighted by a nose hair. That must be it. After all, I'm just too damn charming to have brought this all upon myself.

From now on, all body hair just goes in the trash!!! I'm not going to take anymore chances. Stupid hairs!!!

Louie

Christmas

I am so not ready for christmas. Barely aware of it's proximity until a couple of days ago. So much to do. The plan was to make home made presents this year. Now I ask myself......what was I thinking!!!!??

I am about half done with a number of projects. Completely done with nothing. Totally side tracked by fence repairs, escaping haflinger, building a small hay shed that's to be a greenhouse in the spring, trying to get some exterior lights installed, you know, the usual stuff.

My mind is everywhere. My muscles sore. Time doesn't seem to be so linear anymore. My days are marked only by the to-do list. So much time lost with hospitals and doctors... so much catching up to do. I can't seem to get all areas of my life back on track. I will... I will.

Sometime soon I will be done with the have to-dos and I'll move into the realm of joyful to do. Spring and renewal isn't so very far away, not really.

Louie

Jesus Wants Me For a Sunbeam.

I really don't know what that little ditty was going through my head the other day, but I couldn't seem to stop it. I tried to exorcise it from my mind.... no luck. Eventually I decided, "WHAT A LOAD OF CRAP!!!!" If Jesus really wanted me for a sunbeam then why did he make me... well, me! I'm not really the sunbeamy kind of person.

I like positive action better then positive attitude. Sometimes I do a fair amount of cussing while trying to achieve my positive actions.

No, spare me the role of the sunbeam. There's more important things to be concerned with.

Louie

Hmmmm, how interesting.....

Linda Parelli teaches that with horses, instead of getting mad or frustrated, stop and think "Hmmm, how interesting" Then take the behavior and think of it as a puzzle and how do we solve it. That has been happening for me with Chloe "I dare ya' to cross this line" pony.

A couple of weeks ago I was wondering around the pasture. Pip was following right along at my shoulder. We stopped and I was rubbing Pip's ears. Chloe came up with her snarky face on and Pip was getting ready to clear out. I didn't want her to take out over the top of me so I leaned to the side and gave Chloe my best boss mare look. As I was leaning she spun around and offered her hind hoof to me.... and not in a nice way either. I got out of the way and then thought, "Hey! I'm not going to let her push me around!!"

So, I stepped back into place, noting that I was out of kicking range. Then I did my own kick in the air, kind of like that sketch on Saturday Night Live,,,you know, "I'm Fifty!!"

The first kick she just seemed kind of startled. I took another step closer and did another in the air "I'm fifty" kick. She moved. I kicked. She moved. I kicked again. She moved more. I kicked again. She moved about ten steps. Then I stopped. She blew. It seems we had come to an understanding.

A few days later and Pip and Chloe escaped. The neighbor got them corralled up. I think I mentioned this before. The interesting part was when I went to get them to bring them home. I took the halter into the small corral, no pretences, I never hide the equipment. And the pony that has refused to be haltered, came up to me, planted herself smack in front of me and stood stone still while I slid the halter on and led her through the very narrow gate. She stood quietly while I chained it closed. Then we started across the pasture.

We moseyed along. She was good.... until we dropped over the edge of a hill and Pip was out of site. Then it was time to get excited. Now I have always been concerned that my blocks and my ability to act was slow, but when in the moment, I surprised myself. Chloe wanted to come over me. I blocked...fast! She stopped. Blinked. Then moved forward more cautiously. We continued. She hollered for Pip and had to start moving. It was like Linda was in my head. I could hear her saying that a right brain horse has to move it's feet. So, I let Chloe move. Then she started to run in tight circles around me. In my head I heard Linda say that no matter what else was going on to protect my space. I flipped the end of the rope and popped her in the belly when ever she got too close. She stopped and gave me space each time. As long as she just moved her feet to move ahead or to get rid of adrenaline then we were okay. As soon as she started to get too much acceleration or started to get frantic, we went into a back up then I "put her into a box" until she could blink and think. Then we moved.

Mac was sitting in the truck and watching the event. He said I scared him half to death, but I wasn't scared. Through the whole thing I felt clear. I felt in control. I felt I was giving Chloe communication on how we were going to proceed. We all made it in one piece and after she was put into the pasture she acted like she was torn between running off and being frantic, or staying with me. Well, she had to go be frantic cause I had to go get Pip as well.

Pip stood and got her halter. It was the first she had been haltered without getting a reward after. We both seemed to have forgotten about it. Then we took off moseying. I had the 22 foot line so she was allowed to graze until I got to the end of the rope then she had to catch up to me. I would reel her in and then let the rope back out as she ate grass. After we got over the hill she didn't seem to want to graze so much and pretty well just stayed at my shoulder. During our whole adventure, her attention seemed to be focused on me. She paid no attention to frantic Chloe, and never once answered her calls.

I'm still pondering all of the little things I've done lately because of the ponies that seem to be adding up to something bigger. I'm still chasing the dream... and some days I think I might be gaining a bit of ground.

Louie