Sunday

Kate is coming to our house next Sunday. She wants to help me get some projects done. I am fretting over outdoor projects the most, especially the horse projects. But I know there are so many garden and house projects that need to be taken care of as well. Trim that needs to go up. Brush piles that need to get burned. Composting. Caulking.

Then I look at my post hole digging project and wonder if I had a second set of hands... would the project move forward? I doubt it. Now if I had a tractor with a post hole auger then we would be looking at a much better possibility of success. I am so far behind the goal of two holes per day. It is suppose to be 98 degrees today, but all I can think about is winter.

Goals and projects lead to thinking of money..... how much could I get a jump on with a hundred dollars? ..... two hundred?.... five hundred? Should I spend for materials or labor? Is there enough for both?

I make myself crazy, because Kate is coming to help next Sunday. I'll check the weather. Then I'll make a list of three things to get done. Just three things. Three is better then the nothing I would get done by myself.

Just three things.

Louie

Rampant Brains

It is at least eighty degrees out and it is only ten in the morning. The humidity is skyrocketing. Like an idiot, I'm sitting here and drinking coffee and sweating. I can't seem to settle. My brains are darting about like mad. I'm getting a headache. Thinking so much that I can't think straight.

I had started the summer out thinking that I could by pass the to-do list and just manage things as I could and that all would be fine. That doesn't seem to be the case. There is just TOO MUCH!! I'm completely forgetting projects and then they are coming back to me and giving me a startle when I realize it is too important to be forgotten. I am wallowing. It is affecting my f***ing cheerful demeanor.

There is a process we learn in Parelli that I am probably not good enough at, but it works with most hurdles in my life. It's called ..Isolate ...Separate .... Re-combine. I try to take everything apart when dealing with problems. I try to take everything down to bite size. There's still just so many bites!! But life really only consists of two modes... trying and wallowing. Wallowing doesn't work out , so I'll keep trying. I'll probably cuss and bitch for awhile. That's okay as long as my actions are positive. My attitude will catch up eventually.

So then.... today I will make my to-do list once again and try to get my mind to settle down a bit. ( My head is feeling really crowded and I have to wonder how people with multiple personalities manage it! That must suck!) Time to switch to ice water, put on my holey tee shirt so I get air movement and get myself to work.

Louie

You can't see the forest for the trees!

I have spent the weekend just beating myself up with all the things I want to see achieved. I have reflux! Time to calm down. It has struck me that tomorrow will be the first day of June... my garden still isn't completely planted! I haven't set a single new fence post! It's twenty days to summer equinox and then we start the downhill slide into winter again. That's disturbing.

I really want to get on with some projects... like a shed, or run in protection for the horses, or some perimeter fencing since Pip spends a good deal of the winter escaping from electric fencing, usually during an arctic event known as an Alberta Clipper.

So many pieces to the puzzle that I tend to forget the bigger picture.... the whole... the beautiful life that I am hoping to create. The beautiful life where Mac saying at 5:00 that he isn't hungry and then saying at 5:30, " Have you given any thought to what you're fixing for supper?" doesn't drive me to acts of violence.

I don't like feeling violent.... it gives me pains in my chest and stomach. It makes me crave a green, lush, peaceful life. Calm. A breath taking place.... yes, a breathtaking place that needs a shed, a garden and some good fencing. A place where people know how to go into the kitchen and open the fridge and put their own damn food on a plate.

Ahhh yes, peace, be still.

Louie

The New To-Do

The day after Groundhog's Day, I sat down and started working on my new to-do list. I kind of... sort of, have a master list. Priorities have switched around. This year, food acquisition will become more important. I will need to can, freeze and raise winter crops in my wee, little greenhouse. This year I really do need to get my chickens. Winter preparations will begin as soon as I can get out there and get at it. As always.... fences, fences, fences!!!

Oh!, did I mention before that I did get my greenhouse built? Well, not quite, but almost. I made it from the lumber that was suppose to go into a septic sand trap. It is not square. Some boards used are warped, but I don't think that the tomatoes will care. I have wanted a greenhouse for thirty years.... I'm happy.

We have decided that we are going to run through the brambles that are left to us and then...calm!! This will be our year... our much needed good year. This year will be phenomenal!!

It has to be.

Louie

Christmas

I am so not ready for christmas. Barely aware of it's proximity until a couple of days ago. So much to do. The plan was to make home made presents this year. Now I ask myself......what was I thinking!!!!??

I am about half done with a number of projects. Completely done with nothing. Totally side tracked by fence repairs, escaping haflinger, building a small hay shed that's to be a greenhouse in the spring, trying to get some exterior lights installed, you know, the usual stuff.

My mind is everywhere. My muscles sore. Time doesn't seem to be so linear anymore. My days are marked only by the to-do list. So much time lost with hospitals and doctors... so much catching up to do. I can't seem to get all areas of my life back on track. I will... I will.

Sometime soon I will be done with the have to-dos and I'll move into the realm of joyful to do. Spring and renewal isn't so very far away, not really.

Louie

Pre-Winter to-do list

This autumn I refined my to-do list for things that ABSOLUTELY had to be done before the snow flies. With no internet access, I decided that there was no excuse for not hitting the list as hard as I possibly could.

I started out with thirteen items on my list. Some were kind of involved. For instance... item no.9 is simply re-configure the horse pasture. Well, first we had to make another fenced in pasture for them (the ponies) so we could move them and THEN work on their existing pasture. Fences have been torn down. I've pulled soooo much wire. I've removed tee posts. Then measured and re-measured and to be sure measured again. Then laid out new perimeters and set the tee posts. I'm still not quite done. Need to see if my neighbor guy can come down and auger out some post holes for me and help me set some of the hedge posts. Then even if snow is on the ground I can go ahead and get new wire up. Once the wire is up , I can cross 9 off the list.

I was stupid and added five more items to the list. The good news is that over all I have crossed nine items off the list. I am close to crossing three more things off.

I am tired. I am a little frustrated. I am worried about the weather holding. I am feeling more than a little isolated. Mostly, I'm thankful. Because the worst, most frustrating, tiring day on the little farm is better then a day in a hospital.

Louie

P.S. I do wish someone could have seen me on the roof the other day. You would have been so proud of me!

Wind

This last week we have been having some amazing winds! The gusts are sufficient to knock you down and to suck the air right out of your lungs. Most of the summer the wind has come straight out of the south. The recent winds have been coming out of the west. Today the wind is out of the north.... a reminder that I had better be getting a move on. Winter is coming.

The wind has been bringing to mind the story of Mary Poppins. The wind blew her into the Banks family's untidy lives and blew her back out again. If only that Poppins broad could put up fence, I would hope that she would blow onto the scene today.

Today, with luck, I'll finish the last of the back fence. I'll also, with luck, get the ponies moved onto the fresh grass.

It doesn't sound like a big deal when you write it out like that, but it embraces so much! Grass!!! so I don't have to start buying hay yet! The horses at a safe distance so I can start building some sort of winter structure. Having a decent cover for the hay so I don't lose a quarter of it to mold. A place to park the mower and to put the shovels and rakes away. A little order amidst my chaos. As I sit here, looking at electrical supplies and a stack of lumber in the dining area, I think some order would be wonderful!

Small happenings are catalysts for great change. Maybe, just maybe.... this could even be the beginning of the end of the to-do list. I can only hope.

Louie

P.S. Good morning Russia, Malta and the Netherlands!! So happy to see you!

I miss my ponies....

I have been trying to streamline my lists and figure out the most important tasks. Those ominous things that absolutely must be done before winter. I have it down to ten items....... maybe eleven... if I'm not careful it could slip on up to twelve. But the point is that if I get these things done I should be set up to spend more time with the ponies over the course of the winter. But that leaves me missing them now.

I feel guilty.

But if I can just get done! I'll have more pasture, a run in shed... I hope, and a round pen where I hope we can play this winter. But the look in Pip's eye when I go by their lot causes me to cringe inside. She wants to play now. She wants some puzzles to solve. Chloe wants food. Pip wants more.

But winter is coming and there won't be much of a reprieve. It's a matter of ignore them now or suffer later. I don't want them to suffer later. But in the meantime.... I really miss my ponies!

I know I sound ridiculous to other people but if they just knew what it was like to think you'll be with your horse for twenty minutes and end up playing for two hours.... and not even realizing that the time had gone. To know what it's like when you leave your horse and instead of going off to graze, she follows you as far as the fence will allow. When your horse gazes at you with more longing then your husband has EVER been able to muster, THAT'S when you know what it's like to be with a horse.

So! I'll get my ten things done.... maybe eleven, and with luck we'll be set up to have a wonderful winter together. I think we've earned that. I really, really miss my ponies.

Louie

The return of the to-do list

Today is the first day of school for Mac. It is one of three teachers only days. There will be a couple of folks in to speak to them. One is typically a "Glory Hallelujah" get them inspired type and the next will be someone who shakes the fist of doom. Usually in that order as well. God forbid they should leave feeling good. So that is the beginning of the emotional roller coaster that makes up the school year.

As for me? It marks the return of the to-do list. WOO-HOO!! While the list has occasionally been a cruel master, it beats spending the summer in the house, having Mac tell me it's too hot to do anything. Feel free to add a whiney tone to that. No rain today. The sun is shining. I have a full tank in the mower. I have barrels that are begging to be cut into compost bins. A cabinet door to be hung. Laundry! A to-do list in my left hand and an axe in my right. (okay, okay, I don't actually have an axe in my right hand. I couldn't type that way. It's a metaphor! for pete's sake However I do have an axe. All real women do.)

Oddly enough, the only task on my to-do list that bothers me is the number one spot.... do dishes. Grrrr. I hate doing dishes. Surely there is manure or something I can shovel instead. Oh well, you take the good with the bad. I'll crank up the tunes and clear out the house stuff while the dew is drying and then I'll get outdoors and kick some to-do list ass! If I am a good girl, and get my work done, I'll reward myself by going down into the brushy bits and starting a fire. I like fires. I must of had a distant relative that burnt down small thatched villages and I got the gene.

(sigh) It's good to be back at it.

louie

The New To-do

I spent some time re-prioritizing. Some things I still really want to have accomplished before snow flies. Some things can go to bed until next spring. It pains me to say that however. Kind of like announcing that I'm a quitter. But then who knows maybe a miracle will occur and things will get finished none the less.

The most important thing I can do this autumn is find and install an alternate heat source. The electric company is running it's own version of piracy plus I do live in fear of every icy limb between us and the power source. Self sufficiency is the motto!!

I still want the out door kitchen before winter. I cannot shake what it will be like to sit out there in late autumn and watch the fire in the fire place. The hard part will be the posts and crosspieces. After that it can go back to being a one man show. I can do this!!

I MUST get the Hobbit House footings taken care of while we are in the dryer fall season. That way next spring I don't lose all of those man(woman) hours battling water and collapsing earth. It will just be a cut and dried matter of go and build! The grand kids will be at a good age to enjoy it next spring.

Of course I have to get the garden put to bed. This one makes me sad.... I so screwed this project up this year. All for the want of a greenhouse! Oh well!

After that I need to re-stack the building materials. Get them tarped up better and farther from the house as all that stuff is a boon to the mouse population.

So that is it for the house/homestead area.

On the farm side of things...

Number one is build a round pen. I'm striving for cheap and cheerful on this project.


Number two is hay storage and run in shelters.

Number three is to get my forge home.

The last front is me.... I need to feel like I have some personal accomplishments.

I promised Stacy from Parelli that I would improve. So I want to achieve my level one. Goal is to not exceed three months. Fingers crossed.

The business absolutely MUST get going!! I need money!

I have continued to get better since my immune system crashed and I developed reactive airway disease. This place seems to have a healing effect for me. I'm going to end up with really bulgy muscles like Popeye.

There ya' go! the abbreviated list of what must happen this fall. I can do this... the worst part is over.

louie

Update

So today is the day. My marathon of projects is over. I need to spend the rest of today cleaning the house, sheets on the bed and general pillow fluffing type activities.

If you remember it was a gargantuan list with some difficult projects, especially the outdoor kitchen. Here are the completions from the list. I did get the trap door for the access hole to the crawl space built and installed. I did get the Dining Area countertop built, stained and polyurethaned and installed. I did get a hook board made stained, polyurethaned and installed.

The projects that are started but not finished are the arbor, which just needs the cross members evened up then painted and lights installed. The electric is already there. Reworking the upstairs bed situation didn't get very far. Though the dismantling and clearing the area to work has been accomplished. The footing for the outside fireplace is half dug, and that is the ONLY thing accomplished for the outdoor kitchen.

All in all the list is a failure but I will continue plucking away at it.... because I have to. The list tended to lead me off on tangents as well. I almost have the dirt smoothed out over where I had the footing trenches filling with water, and that was a lot of earthwork. I worked on my upstairs sink project. The hard stuff is pretty much finished on that. I've come to a stand still for want of tiles. I will have those later today. I installed a drain line on the east side of the house and it is almost covered with dirt as well. I did get the corner cabinet up in the kitchen. I have two other small cabinets ready to go up but I need to get a shelf built first. It's easier to install cabinets if you go in progression around the room, so that project also ended up on hold. I almost have two cabinets finished up in the dining area. They are a couple of screws and two coats of polyurethane away from being finished. I also have nine cabinet doors that I have been working on. They are incredible time stealers as you have to deal with both sides equally. They just need the polyurethane and they are done and can be installed. I spent most of one day mowing.

A couple of problems that I had... one was the weather. With the rain and humidity it took forever for the stain and polyurethane to dry. The other problem was the amount of time it took me to think of solutions to my problems or to motivate myself to jump in and try. Once I started to trust myself then things started to pick up speed. I also spent too much time looking for things. Mac will not be allowed to "put away" my tools until we are done with more projects. A considerable amount of time and cussing was spent in search of things I KNEW that I had but could not find. I also spent time looking for old doors. some of my projects will go up much faster if I can use old doors as the starting point. I could have recaptured my time lost if the doors had been acquired. That didn't happen.

So there we stand. I don't quite feel like a failure but I certainly don't feel like the success that I wanted to be. I'm tired but that is mostly just mental/emotional. I'm not giving up. There's a lot to do.

louie

The to-do- list revisited

I had a plan going into summer. You all know how good I am at planning! It seemed like a good plan. I was going to put Mac on a plane and send him away to a visit with his brother and while he was gone I would get a butt load of work done. Sounds simple. As per usual, it didn't work out. Expected money didn't come. The Dr. scheduled an extra visit. My plan fell apart like a sand castle in high tide.

So what I am left with is a to-do list of herculean proportions. Part of the reason is that I wanted to get all the tasks done that cause Mac to say," Well, why do ya' want to do that?" Which is shortly followed by, "Have you given any thought to what you want to make for lunch?" I just do not get anything done when he is around. I really love him, but I tend to trip over him.

The to-do list is mocking me. I read over it's contents and I can hear a quiet, throaty mwa-hahahaha. Getting the outdoor kitchen closer to completion could actually take the entire two weeks of Mac's contemplated vacation. I don't want to be dissuaded. I know that somehow in someway I could get SOMETHING done!

I could burn the to-do list.... but that would be murder. Besides I WANT to get that stuff done. It would make me feel all bubbly, giddy inside. I would feel like such a truly competent person if I could get something FINISHED! I get all happy inside just thinking about it.

Just so you can feel my pain, here is the to-do list for Mac's vacation....
paint front door
get arbor up
block work on hobbit house
garage slab poured ( I have no money for this but I thought it needed to be on the list anyway)
wardrobes built and installed in bedroom
double bed built in upstairs
Outdoor kitchen
1)fireplace and grill
2)gas grill wall
3)bread oven
4)finish roof structure
finish flooring detail downstairs
kitchen shelves
oven cabinet constructed
dining room countertop
30 minutes of horse work daily (each horse)
living room window seat (constructed, stained and the seat covered)
finish upstairs flooring
build shed... move contents of closet to shed
install coat hooks on stair landing
make a picture frame for the Stubbs horse print
finish building the electric fireplace surround

There were a couple of other things that I wanted to get on the list but I thought I had better just stop there for now. I don't know... maybe I'll still get the coat hooks up. Well, damnit anyway.

louie