Time is money

Last night as we were going to bed, Mac said to me, "You know, I'll never be able to retire because you'll never be able to take care of me."

Well, he didn't say it in a mean way, or anything like that, the resignation in his voice was about as painful though. I have always held the hope that somehow I would come up with a brilliant idea that would make us loads of money and we could breathe easy.... someday. The brilliant idea hasn't appeared quite yet. I haven't won the lottery either. The idea of being mortgage free in five years is starting to sound pretty "pie in the sky" about now.

I did have a skeleton of a plan. My wee home business would take off. The first money that I made would pay off credit cards and get me ahead on taxes. Don't want to piss off Uncle Sam. Then a couple of extra payments on the mortgage to have a lovely, safe, puffy bumper. Then pay off the truck. At that point, Mac could look for a car. Something that the grandkids car seats would actually fit into, preferably an electric or a hybrid. Then that would become his bill and I would, miraculously, finish paying off the house. And while accomplishing this miracle, I would play with my horses and plant trees and take up causes and in my down time, I would have bonfires, because we like bonfires.

But it is a very hard thing to create a home factory. It's painful to turn out the same thing over and over so my answer is to create more art pieces then run of the mill but that's hard too. There's just so much to do. It's hard to tell what the most important thing is, on any given day. Anything that gets neglected today, might take over tomorrow. Prioritizing is a tough thing in the spring. The outside beckons. Inside, I sew and cut and trip over 2x4s. I make plans. They aren't good plans, because every time I try to make detailed plans Mac goes back in the hospital or gets sick or, in general, scares the bee-jeebers out of me. So, I have plans where step one is... make a bunch of money. Yup!, It's a tad vague.

Oh God! I MUST be an optimist!

louie

P.S. Just in case all of my eclectic, hairbrain ideas DO fall into place, keep your eyes peeled for a small collection of children's stories, a collection of cabin plans, a short line of renaissance clothing and custom made portrait/personalized quilts. Yes, DEFINITELY an optimist!

What if ......?

When I was young and in Drivers Ed. class, we had a teacher that would play "What If". What if that child on the curb runs out in front of you? What if the blue car on the highway cuts you off? What if the car in front of you slams on their brakes? Of course, the game was designed to keeps us aware and paying attention.

"What If" has invaded all areas of my life. With Mac's illness, most of the "what if" possibilities look at the darker side. If he doesn't survive the stem cell transplant process, I will lose my home. I will probably lose the truck. I am hoping that I will be able to hang onto my horses. I know of people that will take Chloe, but no matter what, I cannot lose Pip. I hope I can hang onto at least part of my land, and I make estimations to just how rough can I live and happily survive. What if... what if... I keep playing scenarios through my mind.

Then it occurred to me, that I almost never play any happy "What if" games anymore. Haven't thought about being successful at anything I do. Haven't bought a lottery ticket in four months. But I know there is still that optimistic side in me. I know I have hope. I'm just not sure how to aim it anymore. Maybe I should just start smaller. What if ....I finally get that barrel cut into a water trough. What if .... I finally get that kitchen cabinet hung. What if ..... I make a start on the arbor.

Mac has survived the most difficult six months post transplant. The next statistical hurdle is five years. If he survives the five years then there is an 80% chance that he will live an additional fifteen years. What if ...he lives the five and my business and blog take off? Then I can hopefully take him to Ireland. What if... I am able to expand and hire the girls? What if ... things go well financially and Mac can retire early? What if... I could send Mac and his brother to guitar camp?

What if.... Mac gets the additional fifteen years? How much could I cram in then?

let the disappointment begin!!!

Well, it's raining!!! Sucky, stinking lousy rain!! I had a to-do list. Recently, I've been very good about the to-do list and today's list was going to be the, "It's finally dry enough, let's see what I can get done outdoors!" day. I had the remnant of an old , big round hay bale that needed to be burned, so brilliant me, I thought I would rake up the old dry manure and burn that too. Then that lot would be ready to let horses back into, and it would be higher and dryer for them. Well, crap!! It's not dry anymore!! So the clean up is on hold.

Another item on the to-do list today was to get the kale and the beet seeds into the garden. They would just wash away today so that is another project on hold.

Another important task was the laying of the three inch drain tile down the side of the drive. I had done prep work yesterday. I had gotten the trench evened back out. Dug where I needed to dig. All I needed to do today was to connect and do a little fine tuning. Looks like the drain will remain unconnected until another day.

I'm also pumping water out of the foundation trench for the garage. Keeping water out of foundation trenches has been an ongoing battle for three years now. Who knew that Iowa would become known for it's monsoon season?! Though it is raining, I continue pumping. I don't want to lose ground.

Although I am irritated by my break in momentum there have been some good things. I will try to dwell on those today. For instance, when we purchased the land, it was listed as a thirty-six acre parcel. According to the USDA crp report form, it is actually 38.5. Woohoo!! It has grown under my care! Last night , I sketched out five ideas for product for my home business to sell. I will be selling on Etsy. When I get it done I will link over so you can have a look. And there was the day about a week ago when we were standing at the front window and watching a pair of bald eagles and their mid-air cavorting. Then there is the cabinet that I need to get stained today. (we'll see how that goes).

And then there is planning. Little calms my mind and makes me feel peaceful like planning does. So I will take some time and plan today. I will plan some run in sheds for the horses. And I'd like a round pen.... and a bridge in the woods ... a small barn... Oh well, I wasn't going to get anything done when it started raining anyway.

louie